I was greeted at work this morning with the following voice mail message left by a voice best described as the female version of Pedro from Napoleon Dynamite:

Dude, I heard you kickin' my dog.
I see you walkin' down the road, I see you kickin' my dog.
You kick my dog again, I will rip your (expletive) heart out and feed it to my dog, okay?
So don't kick my dog no more.
Peace.

That's it, word for word. I must admit I was a bit alarmed. After all, this is no way to do business. She didn't leave a name or number! I need to call this person back so that she realizes the dude kickin' her dog didn't receive the message and would unfairly have his heart ripped out and fed to said dog since the threat failed to reach it's intended audience.

For the record, I don't kick dogs. I pet dogs. Peace.

Labels: threats